All I Really Want for Christmas

13 Dec
You want WHAT?

You want WHAT?

Dear Santa,

I was recently going through some Christmas mementos and found a letter you sent to me when I was a young girl. You said in your letter, and I quote, “If you are a good girl I will bring you the gift you asked for.”

Santa, I’m no legal expert, but I’m fairly certain that makes you contractually obligated to bring me the gift I want. My attorney has assured me that your letter is a valid contract, although the terms of the contract are somewhat vague.

I have attached affidavits from family and friends attesting to my level of “goodness.”

Just so you know, I do not take this gift-requesting business lightly.  After careful thought and consideration, I have found the gift that would truly make me happy.

Santa, all I really want for Christmas is a wife.

Don’t go thinking I’m off my rocker. Au contraire, Père Noël! I AM A FRICKING GENIUS! Who wouldn’t want a wife? Someone to cook and clean and take care of everyone in my home including me? Someone to run my errands? Someone to make the money work out? Shall I go on or do I need to copy this letter to Mrs. Claus so she can fill you in on just how sweet you’ve got it?

I realize that there may be some petty laws that prevent this from happening, but that’s ok. I figure you can sprinkle of little of whatever-that-shit-is you use to make the reindeer fly to make my wish come true.

Remember! Per the terms of our agreement, I expect delivery by Christmas morning!

Your friend,

The Great Mama Experiment

Today’s post was inspired by Mama Kat. Go ahead and check her out.

You know you want to.

Mama’s Losin’ It

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22 Responses to “All I Really Want for Christmas”

  1. Amy @ drivethirtythree December 13, 2012 at 9:37 am #

    BAHAHHAHAH!! That is awesome. I want a wife too!!

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 9:49 am #

      Yea, Santa can keep the husband. Been there, done that.

  2. Diane (@BeStillaMinute) December 13, 2012 at 9:52 am #

    I think I need to revise my list because yes, you are a genius! Why didn’t I think of this?

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 9:54 am #

      This is the only thing on my list. If I get duplicates from friends and family, I’ll send you one of my extras.

  3. Classic NYer December 13, 2012 at 11:34 am #

    You know… it’s totally legal in New York. Just saying.

    Visiting from Mama Kat’s.

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 11:41 am #

      I’m pretty sure Santa could find a way around any pesky legalities.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Maggie S. December 13, 2012 at 11:56 am #

    I just want more closet space.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 11:58 am #

      You can never have too much closet space. Room for more storage and it also makes a nice place to hide.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Stacey (@Staceysmoments) December 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

    You ARE a genius! I want a wife too! That is just brilliant.

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

      I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. My better-half (snicker) certainly seems to enjoy his.

      Yes, yes! Wives for EVERYONE!

  6. Bruna (@beeswithhoney) December 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    A hilarious take on your Dear Santa letter. Loved it! I want a wife too!

    • Kelly December 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

      I think Santa is about to be bombarded with “I want a wife” letters. Thanks for stopping by!

  7. The Lovely One December 14, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    Yeah, I could really use a wife, too! Plus, they smell prettier!

    • Kelly December 14, 2012 at 6:25 am #

      I’d forgotten about that. They DO smell prettier! Thanks for reminding me!

  8. Emma @ outmumbered December 15, 2012 at 2:54 am #

    This is awesome… I’m adding wife to my list too! Thanks so much for stopping by my little blog! I hope you will visit again.

    • Kelly December 16, 2012 at 10:12 pm #

      Thanks for stopping by! I think we all need wives. Hmm, does that make me an advocate for polygamy??? Never thought I’d say that! Ha!

  9. Vanessa December 15, 2012 at 7:01 am #

    Haha I just commented on someone else’s blog that saying that all mom’s deserve a “wife”. Def on the top of my list this year and if he doesn’t bring me one- we can split the legal fees? 🙂

    visiting from Mama Kats!

    • Kelly December 16, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

      We can definitely split the legal fees! Thanks for stopping by!

  10. The Bump Life December 16, 2012 at 11:35 pm #

    Me too! Me too! I’ve said this more times than I can count, but never thought to hit Santa up. Genius!

    • Kelly December 16, 2012 at 11:37 pm #

      Santa is the man! Like my kids tell me, all you have to do is ask Santa and he’ll take care of it!

  11. Melanie December 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    I don’t know. A wife sounds like too much of an investment. I would have to make sure she feels loved and valued and appreciated, buy her nice things, take her out on dates. I would much rather have a maid, a cook, a chauffeur, and a maybe even a butler. Do you think that’s too much to ask Santa for?

    • Kelly December 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

      It’s like my kids tell me . . . all you have to do is ask Santa and he will bring it!

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