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All I Really Want for Christmas

13 Dec
You want WHAT?

You want WHAT?

Dear Santa,

I was recently going through some Christmas mementos and found a letter you sent to me when I was a young girl. You said in your letter, and I quote, “If you are a good girl I will bring you the gift you asked for.”

Santa, I’m no legal expert, but I’m fairly certain that makes you contractually obligated to bring me the gift I want. My attorney has assured me that your letter is a valid contract, although the terms of the contract are somewhat vague.

I have attached affidavits from family and friends attesting to my level of “goodness.”

Just so you know, I do not take this gift-requesting business lightly.  After careful thought and consideration, I have found the gift that would truly make me happy.

Santa, all I really want for Christmas is a wife.

Don’t go thinking I’m off my rocker. Au contraire, Père Noël! I AM A FRICKING GENIUS! Who wouldn’t want a wife? Someone to cook and clean and take care of everyone in my home including me? Someone to run my errands? Someone to make the money work out? Shall I go on or do I need to copy this letter to Mrs. Claus so she can fill you in on just how sweet you’ve got it?

I realize that there may be some petty laws that prevent this from happening, but that’s ok. I figure you can sprinkle of little of whatever-that-shit-is you use to make the reindeer fly to make my wish come true.

Remember! Per the terms of our agreement, I expect delivery by Christmas morning!

Your friend,

The Great Mama Experiment

Today’s post was inspired by Mama Kat. Go ahead and check her out.

You know you want to.

Mama’s Losin’ It

What the ELF?

7 Dec

Tis the season for Elf on the Shelf. He’s everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE.

I do not own an Elf on the Shelf. I refuse to conform! It’s a matter of principle!

Ok, I don’t want to spend the $29.95 . . . . . and I’m afraid I’ll forget to move the damn elf one night and disappoint my kids.

Plus, he’s creepy looking.

Just look at those eyes!

Just look at those eyes!

However, I did stumble upon the New and Improved Elf on the Shelf. I’ll admit that I’m intrigued.

The new version still sells for $29.95 but is a better bargain because he is life-sized. If you know me, you know that I love a good deal.

Don't worry. He won't be so squinty-eyed once the drugs wear off. Apparently he put up a pretty good fight while they were boxing him up.

Naughty or Nice?

He won’t be so squinty-eyed once the drugs wear off. Apparently he put up a pretty good fight while they were putting him in the box. But don’t worry . . . he won’t say a word because nobody talks about Fight Club.